Infinity x Infinity
by Avatard.2112
Summary: Since Katara was young, she has always told herself not to let anyone close to her. Because love is not real. Love is just an excuse to damage her. An excuse to break what is already broken. But when this rebellious water bender meets the Avatar, her world is turned upside down. AU. Kataang!
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone. The name is Avatard.2112! I was trying to write a chapter for my other fanfiction when this idea suddenly popped into my head. And I really loved it.

This story is an AU in case you didn't already know. I know what you are thinking... AUs suck. Yea that is what I used to think too. I am usually obsessed with canons... but as I was writing my other story, I realized that it is kind of constricting so I decided to write this. Don't worry, I am not giving up on the other story (Its called the Gates if you have not already read it).

So please enjoy! Oh btw, please review your thoughts, I haven't really written an AU before so I don't know if I am veering too far off the path... Please tell me if it sucks... I promise I won't hunt you down... maybe.

Ages: (same age differences)

Katara-20

* * *

Life is a hard thing to understand.

It is full of so many things; both good and bad. Everyone always wants it to be all good, but without the bad there is no point. There is nothing to contrast with the best moments in life. There is nothing to make you realize how amazing the little things are.

Life just becomes bland.

A bland life is not living. It is just surviving.

When I was little, I used to believe in this thing call love. I imagined it as the beauty that made this life worth living. The light in the dark. And my stubbornness blinded me from the truth. But I was young. And stupid.

As I got older, things changed. Every Time I allowed myself to feel happy, I was brutally knocked down. My soul was breaking apart. The dark started to overcome the light. It was no longer a beautiful contrast. It was just a cold chilly darkness. There was no warmth. And I don't remember when, but one day I just surrendered and let the bad engulf me.

Little did I know, there was a small glimmer of light in the chasm of hopelessness. I was just too afraid of risking my feelings to reach it. I was too damaged at that point. I was beyond repair. And the worse part was that I accepted it. I no longer fought. I just let it take me.

My experiences had slowly chipped away at that blissful hope that I had used as a shield when I was young.

I was broken.

But one day my life changed. I didn't know then that the change would be just what I needed to ignite the spark that I had given up on.

And it all began with a penguin.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I was at a cold impasse. I had to make a decision of I would suffer badly. And I would ruin the life of one of the only people I cared for. I had to do it.

I looked up at the man who stood before me. He was stocky with muscles and stood a whole head taller than me. He looked down at me with a sort of disgust, as if I were lower than him… pft. Although technically I was shorter…

Looking down into my open palms, I counted the chips of silver that laid there. Six coins. And I needed ten. Darn the spirits.

I lifted my eyes and gave the man the most doe eyed look I could muster. I even batted my long eyelashes. Inside I was hurling, but I knew it had to be done. I had to sacrifice my pride for him. Then I opened my sing-song voice and let my words try to penetrate the man's cold stature.

"You are very handsome!" I said, holding back a chuckle at how convincing my lie seemed. Then I turned my lips into a soft smile. A fake soft smile.

"I have a son that would realllllllyyyy love to have that penguin… he just loves penguins. And he had been so sick lately…" I drifted off. Swiftly, I glanced at the man's face to see if he was buying my fake sob story. Unfortunately his face was still in the same expression of straight-up apathy. My lip stuck out with a pouty face, partly for my lie and partly because I knew I was getting no where with this giant merchant.

"Mam. I have other customers who actually have money to buy, so if you could step aside!" He sneered down at me, and as he spoke he made a motion as if he was going to push me aside. At this I dropped my happy innocent facial features into a cold stare, trying my hardest to cut him with my icy eyes. He was going to regret that.

Time for plan B.

"Fine." I mumbled and turned like I was going to leave. But quick as a flash, I bended a water whip and grabbed the prize that I had been haggling for. It didn't take long for the vendor to realize my plan, and he jumped out from behind his kiosk.

He definitely did not look happy. But I didn't waver in his violent stare.

I moved the snow that was laying beneath my feet, and bended it into a makeshift sled around my ankles. Then I made a sly face at him before waving goodbye. With all my power I bended the snow so it carried me away from the market. The last thing I saw was his face twisting into a red mess. I laughed as I heard the man screaming something in despair. What a platypus bear.

Suddenly an icy spear was flung from nowhere, and it stuck into the building that I just flew past. I turned around in panic to find three waterbending guards chasing me.

Of course it wouldn't be that easy.

I turned my sled so I was going backwards and flung up a huge wall between me and them. But the wall was easily melted by the man in the front. Man, I hated the guards. They always had to rain on my parade.

I quickly turned back around and bended the snow in front of me into an icy ramp. I then flew into the air and landed with a soft thud on top of a roof. I smiled with relief, thinking I lost them.

But my relief was short lived. Within two seconds, they were also on top of the roof. They were pretty annoying when they didn't just give up.

Maybe I should have just left the object.

nah.

I lived for these moments. The heat of the chase.

Swinging my arms in rapid motions, I sent quick blades of ice behind me and heard an 'oof' and I large thump. I didn't need to turn around to know that one guard had not been quick enough.

One down. Two to go.

Once again I moved my arms up and down, pulling large icicles from the ground at dangerous angles. I easily slide between the new sculptures without even grazing an icy stake, but luckily the two men behind me did not have the same agility.

When I erupted from the icicle maze, I found that I only had one more man on my trail. As I expected, the cocky guards could not keep up with my attacks. I felt slightly bad, because I knew he had no chance. He actually thought he was a match against me.

Oh well.

In a stealthy leap, I lifted off of my board and landed with grace in the soft snow layer. Like I expected, the man also jumped off his board. As soon as he saw me, I saw his eyes stutter. He was not expecting a beautiful woman to be causing all this trouble. That's what all men thought. They all saw me as a woman with a pretty face. And obviously the man before me was thinking that. How wrong was he.

Sometimes their predetermined idea how weak I would be worked in my favor. They never expected my ferocity.

I made a small smirk before I attacked. I knew this wouldn't take long.

First I threw an icicle right at him, knowing he would try to dodge. As he moved to the side, I raised my arms up and brought the snow up around us in a flawless motion. The snow wrapped around his leg which was still fleeing from the icy dagger I had thrown at him seconds before. He was instantly thrown off balance, and in the blink of an eye I threw up four sharp whips of water, catching his four flailing limbs and pinning him to the ground. He knew he was defeated. And I could see in his face that his pride was damaged by the fact that it only took three motions quick motions.

Typical men.

I gracefully walked over to him and gave him a sexy smile, trying to rub it in his face that I was not only a girl, but I was also a stunning one.

"It was a good try!" I said with heavy tones of sarcasm. And he just glared with loathing. I reached a slender finger out and flicked him in the nose. I then turned and started walking towards the edge of the roof.

"I'll see you tomorrow! Same time right?" I yelled over my shoulder right before I leaped and caught myself in a surge of snow below. Well that was enough fun for one day.

I pulled my trophy from my pocket and stared at it with a sense of pride. He was going to love it.

And with the prize grasped tightly in my hand, I started the long trek back to my home.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

As soon as I stepped through the door, I was met with the accusing voice of my Gran.

"And where have you been, young lady?" She said even though she didn't really want to know.

"Nowhere!" I said with the most innocent look I could muster. Before she could ask anymore, I trotted away to the room in the back of the house.

I heard her try to say something, but I ignored it because I honestly didn't care about the lecture she was trying to give me. It was the same every time.

You shouldn't be stealing.

You are the daughter of the chief.

You need to be more respectable.

You are going to get caught one of these days.

You are being selfish.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I love my Gran and all. But she just doesn't understand me. No one does. The only person that truly knew me, was my mom. But she is gone now. She died when I was young. Leaving me and my brother to suffer in the wake of her devastating absence.

Sure, my dad and my Gran cared for me and loved me, but it wasn't the same. Despite their efforts to be there for me, I was always alone. And I was fine with that. I decided a long time ago that I didn't need anyone. Relying on someone only caused hurt.

Suddenly a small gentle voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Aunt Katara?"

I turned around to find a small little boy standing at my feet. He smiled a toothless grin, and grasped a small stuffed polardog in his tiny hand. His eyes bore into mine, trying to get my attention.

"Hey squirt!" I said with a genuine smile dancing on my lips. No matter how bad my day was, he always filled my heart with happiness. Suddenly his face darkened and he leaned closer with a serious stare.

"Did you get it?" he whispered, acting like the object in her pocket was a top secret that was a matter of life and death.

I bent down so my eyes were at his level and carefully pulled the small sculpture out of my pocket.

"Yea… I had to fight off three waterbenders for it!" He always loved hearing her stories of adventure.

Before I handed it over to his chubby fingers, I stared at it for a second. Finally I relinquished it to the waiting boy in front of me. I laughed a little when I saw his happiness reach his little blue eyes. He looked at me like I had just given him the world.

"Its perfect!" he said clutching the small wooden penguin to his fragile chest. He finally looked back up at me and suddenly grabbed me in a tight hug. And he was pretty strong for a four year old.

I loved his little hugs. I never liked hugs much, but his were always welcome. He was the only person I let past my barriers. The only person I that doesn't scare me.

Finally I broke apart from his hug.

"Now go put it in your room! Your daddy is going to be home soon and you can show him!" I said as a ruffled his black tufts of hair. He made a smile that reminded me of my brother, before he sprinted off to his room.

As soon as he was gone, I stood up and walked down the hall and finally entered my room.

I threw the bag I had been carrying across the room and it hit the wall with a thud. Then I walked over to my bed and just let myself fall face first into the comforting embrace of the comforter. After a few seconds, I rolled over and started undressing.

The warm parka I had on was suffocating me and I had to get it off soon or I would die. When I removed the parka I realized I had been sweating and moved my nose to see if I stunk. Bad move for my nose. I guess running away from waterbending warriors could really make someone build up a sweat.

I threw off my shirt and quickly made my way to the bathing room to get the stink off of me. On the way there though, I heard a light knock on my door.

"What?" I yelled letting my annoyance show without restraint.

"We have a visitor! So you need to change and come out as soon as possible." Gran mumbled through the door.

I let out a sigh of exasperation.

Spirits. I always hated the dumb representatives and councilmen that my father always invited to dinner. They were always stuck up and even though they didn't try to be rude, they always found a way of doing it.

One time, a representative visited from the North pole. Like most of the visitors, he was a sexist jerk that looked down on women and their position in society. So basically she hated him.

At the table he had the nerve to ask when she was going to get married saying that she was already too old. She was only eighteen at the time. THE NERVE. That was one of the first times that she really blew up on someone. And it had felt good. But lets just say that that particular representative has not returned to the Southern water tribe.

Jeez. Hate was not a strong enough word for people like that.

But despite my misgivings, I am going to have to put on a fake smile and wear a fake personality to please the visitor.

Or I could just sneak out the window… no. Last time she did that, she had been grounded for a week.

Ugh. Life really hated her.

And now I am going to have to shorten my shower time. I smelled myself one more time. I definitely needed as much time as possible. But hey. The dumb guest would suffer from my lack of bathing so it was alright.

So with a few inappropriate mumbles, I quickly washed my self off and slipped into one of the "traditional" water tribe dresses. I then proceeded to mope down the hallway and out into the dining room.

When I arrived at the table, which was apparently waiting for my arrival, I was shocked to find that there was not one quest, but instead there were two. The more the merrier.

The first man, on the left of my father, looked pretty old and his face was made into a permanent scowl. He looked extremely unhappy, but that could just be his face...My only thought was: Greatttt. I just love it when old, cranky, men ruin my evening. At least he would hate this as much as I do.

With much disdain, she moved her blue eyes to the man sitting on the other side of her father.

Upon seeing him, I stifled a gasp.

In front of me sat the Avatar.

I knew it was him, from his blue arrows that graced his scalp and peeked out of his sleeves. And he exuded power. But unlike his friend, he smiled with a goofy grin that seemed really out of place on such a powerful being. His eyes sparkled with life and he stared right back at her with no reservation. His eyes were a slate color and they almost looked silver when he moved them into the light. And when I looked at him, my heart skipped a beat.

My shocked face must have shown because my father interrupted my awkward staring with an irritated cough.

His cough brought me back to reality and my cheeks turned a tint of pink, revealing my embarrassment. Maybe I should have washed more…

Then I stopped my train of thought.

I disgusted myself. I was acting like one of those hopeless girls that obsessed over boys. The only people I despised more than the ignorant men who were the objects of their obsession. The thought of me running after a mindless man instantly broke my hopeless stare and turned my face back into its normal indifferent expression. I would not become one of those slobbering girls.

I was about to sit down when my father stood up and introduced the two guests, as he always did. But this time it felt different. Well more like I felt different. I did not want to know these men. Because if I knew them, then they would have a chance to crawl into my hear- .

Why was she even thinking that? Why had the Avatar changed her whole defense? Why was she so disheveled?

"This is General Xue" my dad spoke over my spasmodic thoughts, as he gestured to the man with the angry face. Yea, I wasn't going to have a problem with letting him into my heart...

The he turned to the other man. The one that had sparked these crazy thoughts. I wanted to rip him apart for just making me think these things. I already hated him.

"And this is Avatar Aang."

At the mention of his title, he looked up and smiled another one of his crooked smiles, his mood obviously the opposite of mine.

"You can call me Aang." He said as looked into my eyes. His look gave me a chill that was unsettling and made me feel vulnerable. As if I was standing naked before him. As if he could see past my shield.

And for the first time in years, I was afraid.

* * *

I know. Katara was kind of out of character. OK not kind of... she was really OOC. But I really need her to be defensive so I can capture emotions later on...

Thanks for reading. Sorry if I burned your eyes! ;)

REVIEW. NOW. THIS IS A HYPNOTIZING TECHNIQUE.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok. I'm sorry. I have a problem.

I can't stop writing this story. I know I have to write for the Gates, but every time I start writing something, it just feels wrong. Like it doesn't flow. And I can't stand it. So I accidentally wrote like five chapters of this story.

I will warn you, this chapter is emotions than actions. But the chapter after this will have plenty of goodness so just don't give up on this story because of my crappy portrayal of emotions. It shall get better!

Enjoy! And don't forget to leave your thoughts!

* * *

When I was seven years old, I would always imagine the man I was going to marry. He would have strong arms that would would always be able to hold me together. I don't know why I would wanted something like that as a child, but I did. He would also have the most soothing voice. It would sound like an angel when he spoke. It would be deep, yet still full of childlike innocence. And he would always be by my side. We would go penguin-sledding, and we would play in the snow, and we would smile together.

But most importantly, we would always love each other.

Somehow I could still remember my image of the perfect man. Despite the fact that I didn't believe in love, I still believed in him.

I told myself I didn't. But I couldn't hide my hope that one day this man would find me and we would run off into the snowy sunset.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

I stared icily across the table at our visitors. Everyone around me chewed their food in silence. But I didn't. I just stared.

Maybe if I stared hard enough, they would just vanish. Just POOF. And all my troubles would turn into a billowing cloud of smoke. Sadly I had a feeling that my hopes would not turn out the way I wished. They never did.

I was so focused on my hostile glances at the moment, that I did not notice my father talking about me.

"... and she is the best at making little Miki smile." he continued to his guests. He was smiling a proud grin, as if I wasn't the biggest troublemaker in the south pole. Suddenly I snapped out of my trance and finally processed my father's words.

"Dad! They don't care about that…" I stammered with a light blush spreading over my cheeks. I tried my best to keep my voice low, even though I really wanted to just scream across the dinner table. Usually I didn't really care what my father chose to talk about. Partly because I didn't care about the guests, and partly because I could tell that the guests could have cared less about his pointless anecdotes.

Unfortunately, his guests were actually listening this time, and they looked genuinely interested. Well actually, only one of them was listening. And unfortunately it was not the bitter old man.

"I care! I love stories!" The avatar said with a tone that made me want to punch him. When he turned back to my father to hear more, I squinted at him with a look that I hoped conveyed my unquestionable hatred.

"Well they have this cute thing about penguins-" I knew where this was headed. In the wrong direction.

"Father! Please…" I hissed through my teeth. My words were more of a warning than a request. And luckily he seemed to get the message this time. He looked at me and made a small frown, before he moved on to another topic. When he changed the conversation, the avatar's smile flickered for the briefest of moments. It was so fast that I wasn't sure if it had really happened.

When I searched his face for evidence of the frown, I only found him staring back at me with those intense gray eyes. Like he was trying to figure me out.

I quickly looked down at the food that still laid untouched in front of me. I didn't want him to figure me out. I just wanted to leave. I wanted to get away from these people. I wanted to get away from myself and all of the strange feelings that were battering around inside of me. For some reason, I felt like my father was betraying me. Like he was giving parts of me to these strangers.

My breath started to quicken and I started to feel like I was drowning.

Suddenly, I pushed myself to my feet. I probably should have just suffered through the rest of the night, but for some reason my body wouldn't let me.

I shot a desperate look at my father, before I just walked away. I didn't even ask to be excused.

I was really going to be in trouble for that.

As soon as I was in the hallway, beyond their sight, I took off in a run. The last thing I saw was a pained look in my father's face. Why? I don't really know.

It took no time before I was through my door and in the bathing room. I hunched over the water bowl and slowly raised my face to look in the mirror.

My face was tinted a deep red, a mixture of my effort in running and my embarrassment at leaving so suddenly. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was the girl that I saw in the mirror.

I saw a woman who wasn't me.

I saw a woman who was scared, and hurt, and angry, and most importantly weak.

I was not weak.

My hands flew up from the wash bowl and started violently pulling the clips and bows and ties from my hair. Those weren't me either.

Then I bended a hasty stream of water from the bowl and cleansed my face of the makeup that hid the true me. It was just wrong. All wrong.

I looked away from the mirror and started pulling the lavish fabric of my dress from my body. I didn't even care when I ripped a hole into the silky bodice. I just needed to be free. Free from this woman who was not me.

Finally I pulled the last article of clothing off and stood, looking in the mirror once again. I was down to my bindings. But I didn't look strong like I had hoped. Instead I looked frail and fragile. Without thinking, I bent down and chucked one of my shoes at the image of myself. The mirror cracked into millions of pieces.

Inside I was cracking just like the mirror.

Then I just fell to the cold ground. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I didn't even know why I was so upset. I just… was. I had no idea what the source was. Maybe all my emotions had been piling up and they just finally overwhelmed me.

My fingers pulled anxiously at my hair. The pulls slowly became more frantic with my panicking mood and soon my scalp was burning at the roots. But the pain didn't faze me. It just made me more aware of my disintegrating self.

I needed comfort. And I knew I wouldn't find it sitting on the floor in the bathing room. I needed to bend. That always helped me. And I knew exactly where I could find the crisp water I needed to distract me.

With my destination clear, I jumped up from the chilly ground and sprinted towards my window. Just as I opened it, a gust of frigid air blew in and I suddenly remembered that all I had on was my bindings.

I quickly moved back to my closet and picked out the closest piece of fabric, which happened to be a plain shirt and dark blue leggings. I easily slipped into the warmer attire and then moved back to the window that was still gaping open.

I climbed onto the window sill and then just jumped towards the ground, knowing that the flakes of white would cushion my fall. I landed with a grunt, and before I had both feet on the ground, I found myself moving towards my haven.

Halfway there, I started thinking about what my father would think. He would already be frustrated at my sudden departure, but there was no telling how he would react to this. It wasn't the first time I have run away, but this time seemed different.

Part of me felt bad. My father didn't deserve this. He deserved of good daughter. A daughter who wasn't broken. Like me.

I was broken.

No one could fix me.

And I didn't want to be fixed.

My feet skidded to a halt with a sudden movement. I had arrived.

I stood on the icy precipice that overlooked the ocean.

With little caution, I leaned my head over the cliff so I could see the soothing waves crash against the white walls of the glacier. Unlike everything else in the world, the ocean was always constant. It always pushed and pulled. For eternity.

The ocean was infinite.

And I could bend the infinite expanse with a twitch of my finger. I could bend infinity.

For a second, I stood on the edge of the world and just inhaled and exhaled the clean air. I let it soak through my body and rejuvenate it. I let the salt that wisped up from the ocean burn my raw throat. I welcomed the sting. It was a sign that I was still alive.

Suddenly I had the impulse to leap into the infinite ocean. To let the waves fold over me and keep me safe from the world that was not constant.

But I decided against it. The waters were rougher than usual today. They held an air of danger.

Just like the raging current of thoughts in my mind.

The ocean was a perfect reflection of me.

There was a storm brewing off in the distance, and I couldn't help but feel foreshadowing, as if there was also a storm forming in my future.

But when I moved my eyes to turn back to the rhythmic waves, I discovered that they were stuck on the stormy gray clouds on the horizon. They reminded me of something… something important.

And then his image flashed before me like a flash of lightning.

They reminded me or him.

His gray eyes that flickered with lightning much like the clouds in the distance.

Maybe he was the storm in the distance of my life.

Maybe he was the danger.

No… I am overthinking it. I am not in a good state of mind to be making these kind of assumptions.

Or am I?

I barely even know him, but still. He had done something to me. He had penetrated something deep down that had started a chain reaction within me. He had barely spoken a word to me, but somehow I felt like he had already hurt me.

Once again, I was reeling at the thoughts that had fabricated in my mind. I clenched my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the onslaught of images in my brain.

Stop thinking.

I was only looking for people to blame for my broken state. But I knew the only person to blame was myself.

My stomach started to lurch with a sick feeling. I needed to be calm. I was falling apart.

With slow deliberate movements, I started twisting my hands through the air. The water beneath my feet moved in response and slowly started to twist around me. The higher the water rose, the less fear I had. It was numbing my emotions. Freezing my sporadic thoughts. I kept moving the water around until my corruption was buried deep within me. Until I felt nothing. Until I was nothing.

This was how I wanted to be. Because when you are nothing, fear and hurt and pain can't affect you.

But deep beneath my feelings of numbness, I felt an emptiness. As if I had lost something. Something that was a part of me.

But I pushed the feeling away and instead focused on my new enlightened feeling. The feeling that had saved me from drowning.

And with this new feeling, I was finally ready to return home. I was finally ready to face the reality of my actions.

So I turned and just walked. It felt like hours, but I just kept going. As I walked, a surge of fatigue overwhelmed me. I hadn't noticed the repercussion of all my actions throughout the day until now.

It had been a long day. And I was exhausted.

Finally I arrived at my still open window. Maybe they hadn't noticed my absence… or maybe I was just too optimistic…

Either way, I didn't care. I just climbed through the window, back into the serenity of my room. I could feel my numbness leaching away with my every move.

I was just about to crawl into the sweet comfort of my bed, when my stomach growled its protest.

Regret followed the noise.

Sometimes my stubbornness really bit me in the butt.

Maybe I could just ignore it and sleep…

My stomach growled an angry response.

With bitter resentment against my hungry stomach, I silently grabbed a candle and lit it so I could make my way to the kitchen. Hopefully everyone was asleep anyways… I had been at the cliff for a long time…

But with my luck, they were all probably still sitting at the table, waiting to ambush me.

Even though my anxious thoughts opposed my food mission, I still decided that I could make it.

So I tiptoed to the door with all the stealth I could muster. Luckily I was a master of waterbending and sneaking around in search of food.

With my nimble fingers, I inched the door open and silently prayed that it would not alert anyone of my intentions. The door slid open with ease and my face pulled into a mischievous grin.

The odds were definitely in my favor.

After gaining about a foot of space, I squeezed my body through the crevice and made my descent towards the food that waited for me. The halls around me were pitch black and my candle light was weak compared to the overwhelming black. So I directed what little light I had towards the ground so I could be ready for any obstacles.

I easily dodged all of the creaky floorboards and the random bumps that crossed my path. But about halfway down the hall, I was met with an obstacle I could not avoid.

A set of feet.

Wearing a set of water tribe boots. Not a good sign.

As I raised my weak candlelight to examine the rest of this person, I let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh its just you!" I whispered to my brother in a playful tone. Unfortunately he was not sharing the same vibe as me.

His arms were crossed in an oddly serious way. Serious was not a common word used to describe Sokka. Looking back, that should have been a warning for my impending doom. His face was dressed in a disappointed frown. As if I were in trouble.

"Katara… What are you doing?" He whispered back. He was clutching his face in a scolding manner.

"Well I got a little hungry so-" I answered honestly.

"No, I meant what are you doing with your life?" Now I recognized his tone. It was the same tone he used when he was scolding his son. I found it insulting that my brother saw me as an equal to a child. Since when was he the mature one?

My smile dropped and was replaced by one of aggression.

"What do you mean? I am just- I mean- Who are you to ask me that?" I finally whispered in defense. I really wanted to yell it in his face, but I knew that there were still worse people that could catch me.

Now he just looked at me with a pitiful look.

"Dad told me about your little stunt at dinner." He said, completely avoiding my question. He hadn't been present for dinner, so I had hoped he would not have known.

Oh great. Another lecture.

"And I have also heard about all the trouble you have been getting in to around the tribe." He continued, still sounding more defeated than angry. I really didn't want to hear this. I just wanted some sea prunes… my eyes drifted around him to the waiting kitchen.

"Katara! Look at me! You are not a child anymore. We are adults. I have a son. I have responsibilities. And you have responsibilities, too."

I really wanted to just punch him in the face at that moment. Well, more than usual. He did not have the right to preach to me about responsibilities.

"One of these days you are going to get caught, and me and dad won't be there to bail you out." His face suddenly fell into a sad expression.

"I know that you are afraid. I was afraid, too. But there are better things than just stealing novelty toys."

All I could do was take a deep breath.

I closed my eyes trying to block out his words. He didn't know me. He didn't understand me. He wasn't me. I wasn't afraid. I was strong. And brave.

If he was going to fight dirty, than I would fight back.

"Why do you care so much about me? You don't even care enough about your own son!" I hissed back at him with a fiery rage in my eyes.

I could see the mixture of shock and pain hit his face and I instantly rued my statement. He was only trying to help and I had just lashed out at him. He just cared about me. Like everyone else.

But I didn't want his help.

I couldn't rely on him to always be there.

I had to rely on myself.

"Katara, I know you are hurt. I know you don't want to hear this-"

"You are wrong. You don't know anything about me!" I yelled back in frustration, forgetting that it was still around midnight and everyone was still angry at me. But I didn't care at this point.

"Can't you just see that I want to help you! We are all trying our best to help you. You are so much better than this! The Katara I used to know was better than this!" He snapped back at me.

"STOP! Just Stop!" I cried back in response. Hastily throwing my hands up to my ears to stop his words from entering my mind. But his hands were quicker. He grabbed my wrists and held them down. But his hold wasn't just keeping my hands off my ears. They were also anchoring me to that spot in the hallway.

Hindering my escape.

"Katara, please…" he pleaded with no hint of anger, just pure concern.

I quickly slipped my hands from his hold and then I just ran. Away from him. Away from his words. Away from his concern.

I slammed my door shut and quickly bended some nearby water into a barrier over the wall. I kept throwing stream after stream of water towards the door. I was just distracting myself. I reached up a shaking hand to my face and felt a damp tear.

I hadn't noticed until that moment, but I was crying.

Not sobs.

More like my eyes were watering. I was just angry. I was so angry.

Angry at my brother.

Angry at my dad.

Angry at my gran.

Angry at everyone.

They didn't know me.

I didn't even know me.

* * *

Whew. That was a whirlwind of emotions. Sorry if Katara was too... idk... hormonal. I just had to find a way to show her inner weaknesses. So yep. This was the creation.

Like I said above, the next few chapters are already written so I might update around Wednesday... Idk. And I promise: I will finish a chapter of the Gates. Maybe. ;) 


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok. This was like my favorite thing to write. I just really like the dialogue towards the end... :) Enjoy peoples. Also I added a new chapter to the gates so yea... I am basically on top of things. ;)**

**Well actually, I wrote this a while ago, but I told myself I couldn't post it until I had posted for the gates. That is why I updated them both around the same time. **

**Ok READ ON IF YOU ARE STILL THERE!**

**And don't forget to Review! **

* * *

Trust is a funny thing.

You can't truly live without it. But you can easily die with it.

Yet people willingly put it in the hands of others. And they expect the person to hold that trust without ever flickering. Without ever letting them down.

And the those who give away their trust are dumb enough to hope that their trust will never be dropped.

I used to hand out my trust like these dumb people.

Maybe that is why it became so broken.

Because they just kept dropping it.

The only safe place for trust is in your own hands. Because you will never drop your own trust.

Rights?

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

My eyes flickered open. I was instantly met with blinding sunlight that streamed through my frozen windowpane.

Sometimes I like to just stare into the sun, letting it burn glowing pictures into my pupils. Letting it wash over me and cleanse my soul...

This was not one of those times.

I quickly turned my eyes away from the scorching ball of fire, hoping that I could fall back into the blissful sleep I had just been experiencing.

But the sun was not that kind.

Despite my efforts, I could not fall back into my dream.

I cursed the sun as I got up from my bed and stumbled towards the door.

But when I went to grab the door handle, my hand just grappled on a cold block of ice.

Oh yea. That.

I had completely forgotten the incident from last night. No wonder I was so happy when I woke up… The memories of my conversation instantly killed my morning happiness and filled my head with the normal gloom.

They also reminded me of my failed mission for food.

This time I would not be so stupid as to just walk into the trap my family had undoubtedly placed beyond my door. I learned from my mistake. So joke's on them.

I drifted back to my bed and picked up the clothes that I had splayed across the room after my upsetting encounter. I then proceeded to grab my parka and a pair of warm boots. Beside my parka was a measly pile of coins. Hopefully they could buy me something decent for breakfast.

If not, I could always find a way to persuade them…

After grabbing my essentials and putting them in my little bag, I made a beeline for my window. When I opened it, a breeze gusted in. I happily inhaled the fresh air and let it fill my heart with hope for the new day.

Anything would be better than yesterday.

Or so I hoped.

So with that inspiring thought I leapt from my window and made my way towards the center of town where a collection of open markets and trading buildings were located.. That was my best bet for food, plus it was a relatively short walk.

And so I was off on my own.

As I crunched through the snow, I acknowledged all the little things that fluttered around me.. Like the two little boys playing with stones on the ice, kicking them around furiously in an attempt to win some sort of game. And the smiles on the people's faces as they walked with their families. And the little girl who clutched her doll with all her might.

The little girl reminded me of Miki. He was always so attached to that little polar dog.

I couldn't help but smile at the thought of him holding onto that scruffy little stuffed animal as he walked through the streets.

It felt good to smile. It felt like it had been too long since I had smiled. Maybe I would smirk every now and then but the smile playing on my lips held all of my happiness in it. And somehow that smile raised my mood to an even higher level of happiness.

Nothing could bring me down.

It was all these little things that convinced me that my life is perfect as it is. These little things give me hope. Hope that tomorrow will always be better. Hope that everything will be fine. Hope in the goodness of the world. Maybe life wasn't all that bad. Maybe there was hope after all.

Maybe.

Eventually I found myself staring up at an open market that hummed with all the life moving around inside. As much as I loved enjoying these little things, I wasn't about to waste my whole day just admiring them. I was too hungry for that.

Before I stepped into the stuffy market area, I took a deep breath of the stinging air. I didn't enjoy markets a lot. They were always so crowded and close. And the air was always tainted with everyone's hasty breath. I'm not claustrophobic, but the market still gives me a sick feeling.

The air quality just had nothing on the clean air outside.

So after taking what felt like my last breath, I stepped into the market.

This better be worth it.

The air immediately pummeled me in a strong wave, the moment I stepped through the door. It was too warm and stuffy... But despite my inner disgust, I pushed on.

My eyes were instantly caught on a fresh fruit stand.

Fresh fruit sounded like a tasty option, and it would also be in my tiny budget of six coins. So with this knowledge, I pushed my way towards the kiosk.

It took a little shoving, and I got knocked in the ribs by an aggressive elbow, but eventually I made it to the promise land. And the bruise in my side was worth it when I saw the rainbow of fruits before me.

I perused the multiple fruits with my hungry eyes. Everything looked so… juicy. This fruit stand appeared to be international because it had a lot of fruits I had never heard of. Everything there looked amazing and it was hard to just choose one…

But finally I decided on the always pleasing Mango.

"Um. How much is the Mango?" I asked the woman behind the stand, trying not to look desperate.

"Everything is 7 coins. Except Papaya, which is 6 coins." she said with a voice of indifference, not even looking up from the magazine she was flipping through.

"Awww I hate papaya..." I mumbled to myself.

"How about 6 coins for a mango?" I'm kind of short on money…" I admitted while rubbing the back of my head in a nervous gesture. Usually women were more sympathetic for the poor.

"Nope." She said with a bored yawn.

"Its just one coin lady, do you really need it that bad?" I hissed at her.

"Listen sweetie, if I gave you that mango for 6 coins, then everyone would start asking for cheaper fruit." she droned on in monotone.

"But-"

"No."

"I won't-"

"No."

"Please-"

"No."

Every one of her 'no's sounded the same and it was obvious that I was getting no where with the dumb merchant.

I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to fight for my food, but this lady was giving me no choice.

"Listen up missy. You are going to take 6 coins. If you know what's good for you…" I demanded, not letting her interupt me this time.

"You peasants are so annoying. I said no." she said while rolling her eyes.

Anyone watching could have visibly seen my face blow up into an angry red. I was so angry that my eye actually started to twitch. Not going to lie, I contemplated strangling her right then and there.

"Well…" I snarled through my clenched teeth. I was done with this lady.

Slyly, I moved my hand, that was hidden from her view, towards one of the plump mangos. My fingers drifted around the smooth skin of the mango and I was about to casually move it back towards my bag when another hand suddenly landed on top of mine.

Busted.

I looked up desperately to the owner of the hand, about to explain why my hand had gone so precariously close to the fruit, when the person started talking to the lady behind the fruit.

"Hello there miss, could I buy this mango?" The voice was deep and almost familiar. I couldn't see the man's face due to his hood, but I could see its effects. The woman that had been so bored with me, suddenly looked up in awe. Her mouth gaped in a hopeless way that gave me a spurt of smugness.

"Uh- sure- of cours-yea!" the woman stuttered in panic. It was quite a pathetic sight to see. Her deep blush forming on her cheeks also did nothing to improve her awkwardness.

Karma is a real badgermole, lady.

"Wonderful!" the voice answered happily, as if oblivious to the woman's dumbfounded state. Then, with the hand the was not pinning mine, he pulled out a couple of coins and he handed them to her.

I didn't need to look close to know that he had overpaid the rude vendor. And I was just beginning to like him, too.

Oh well.

I studied the woman's face trying memorize her mortified features. It gave me a giddy feeling to know that she got what she deserved. Well not the money… the embarrassment.

As he was handing her the coins, I tried to discreetly remove my hand and make a getaway. But the moment I shifted, the hand over mine just pushed down harder, pinning my weak grasp into an impenetrable hold against the soft mango.

I was about to reprimand man when suddenly the hand pulled both me and the mango away from the fruit stand.

"Um, excuse me!?" I yelled through the crowds of people that now engulfed us.

No response.

He just kept maneuvering through the crowd, as if he were parting water.

"Thanks, but I can just take my Mango and be gone!" I shouted, still trying to overcome the loudness of the market.

"I have places to be so-" I stopped short.

The sounds of the crowds around us had been randomly cut off.

Well not randomly. It was probably due to the fact that I was now standing in the snow right outside of the open market. Still attached to the man's surprisingly strong hand.

"Ok. Thanks and all. But really. If I could just take that mango and be gone…"

Then the man suddenly turned around, and I could finally see his face. And those gleeful stormy gray eyes. Upon looking into my eyes and seeing my half enraged, half dumbfounded face, he finally released my hand.

"Oh… the mango… right." He said before handing over my breakfast. But I was too distracted to grab the fruit that he held in his outstretched hand.

"What are you doing here?" I said with an accusing tone. How did I not recognize him before..? Sure he had a hood over his signature arrow, but still. He was very distinguishable in the water tribe.

I knew I had recognized that happy voice. No one was always that happy. Except him.

"Well I was shopping and I saw you needed some extra-" His eyes were shifting around as if he was hiding something.

But I cut off his lie by just walking away. I had said thanks and now I was done. I had other places to be… I just hadn't decided what places.

"Hey!" He yelled behind me, when he finally noticed that I was leaving.

"What?" I threw over my shoulder. The word had an edge to it, and I didn't really know where the edge had come from. But it was there. I realized that sometime during this encounter, all of my happiness had melted away and it was replaced by something I couldn't exactly name.

"Aren't you going to say thanks? I just saved you."

On his last word, I spun around violently.

"I already said thanks. And you didn't save me. I had the whole thing under control!" I retorted furiously.

"Oh yea…" He rolled his eyes while a sarcastic smile played on his lips.

"What do you mean 'Oh yea'?" I glared at him. My respect for him had melted like the snow in the sun. I was already tired of his peppiness. I just wanted to smack that smile off his face.

"Well when I got there, you were about to steal that mango." He replied smoothly as if he knew me perfectly. Like I was an open book. The whole time he was grinning his pearly white teeth. And I couldn't believe it. He had quite a lot of nerve.

"Then why did you help me? You are supposed to be the Avatar. Why didn't you arrest me or something?" I interrogated. I knew I had him.

But his smile only faltered for a fraction of a second.

"You looked hungry. And Avatars help the poor and hungry."

I was not ready for that response. My cheeks exploded with color and I could not find any words to respond, for once in my life. All I could do was flee while my dignity was still intact. I had the urge to throw the mango at his feet, but I wasn't about to go looking for more food.

"Well thanks, Mr. Avatar." I muttered before turning around and speed walking away. Although I did want to run, I felt that it might appear drastic. Plus any sane person would have realized that I was done talking.

Did I mention that the avatar was not sane?

Because he wasn't.

As I rounded a corner, I turned my head to make sure he wasn't stupid enough to follow. But I really should have kept my eyes in front of me. Because that was where he stood.

I crashed into his waiting figure and the whiplash forced my head to smack into his. Turns out he wasn't hard-headed in just the figurative way.

"Ow…" I mumbled as a rubbed the knot on my forehead.

"Sorry! But I told you, my name is just Aang." He said with a small tint of blush forming in his cheeks. But maybe the coloration was just from the cold weather.

"Ok 'Just Aang'. Now please leave me alone."

Instead of following my orders, he just laughed. That's right.

He laughed.

His laugh was deep like his voice, and it gave me a happy feeling. I almost wanted to laugh with him. But then I came to my senses.

He was mocking me. Like I was a joke.

And I did not find it funny. I just found it infuriating.

"You think I'm a joke?" I whipped at him with my eyebrows scrunched up above my eyes.

"No, no..." He stuttered between chuckles.

"I just thought your joke was funny!" He said. The weird thing was that he looked like he was being serious. There was no trace of mockery in his blithful eyes. Just pure giddiness.

"Why must you always act so happy?" I unconsciously blurted my thoughts.

"I'm not acting happy. I am happy." He said simply. As if it was a fact.

"Why must you act so angry?" He continued, still grinning like a fool.

"I'm not angry! I was perfectly happy until you came and ruined my day!" My words were harsh, but he still seemed unfazed.

"Well I didn't realize you hated eating breakfast so much." With a quick twitch of his hand, he air bended the mango out of my unprepared grasp.

Oh so it was going to be one of those games.

In response, I rose the snow around him into an icy prison that restricted his arms and legs. He looked surprised, yet he didn't lose his happy glow. His smile did not dampen for even a second. And surprisingly, he did not attempt to free himself from my icy clutches.

Pft.

I pranced over and pulled the fruit from his restrained hand. Then I gave him the biggest smile I could make.

"See! Now I'm happy!" I said through my grin. Then I turned around the corner, out of his view. The last thing I saw on his face was pure astonishment… and happiness of course.

And then I heard him start laughing behind me. That deep angelic laugh.

I could still hear his distant voice when I turned down an alley that was a shortcut to my house.

Yea.

He was definitely too happy.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it! Revieweth!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay.**

**I understand that Katara and a lot of other characters are messed up. I understand that many of you find it hard to believe or understand. But you must understand that I am writing this story based on how I see love. I have read so many "first look and she falls in love" stories or "Two happy people fall in love" stories, and I really just want to change it up.**

**For me, the best love stories are stories where both people save each other from themselves. Sure, there are great love stories where both people are amazingly happy and googly eyes and blah. But in this story, people are not all happy. People are just people. Everyone is a little broken until they find love, and in this case, Katara is really broken.**

**So deal with it. Katara is not going to just start making out with Aang.**

**Yet…**

**So if you can't deal with this type of love story, I suggest you just stop reading. Because everything is not smiles and giggles. Kind of.**

**Sorry about that long note, but I just feel like a lot of the people reading this have a predisposition on how Katara should act. So yea. And there are reasons she is like this. It shall all be revealed later. **

**Also I meant to address this last chapter, but Appa and Momo will make an appearance so don't fret… people always get so worked up about them two…**

**Ok onwards with the chapter!**

* * *

Everyday is the same thing.

I wake up.

Then after hours of walking around in pointless movements, I go back to sleep.

My real life is in the dreams that fill my head when I close my eyes. Not the blank world outside that just repeats itself over and over.

It is all the same.

My life is a nightmare that threatens me everytime my eyes blink open.

And sometimes I can't help but think:

Is it really worth it?

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

It had been two weeks since my life had started to slip out of my grasp. Out of my control. Into a spiral of madness.

After my encounter with the avatar, I had decided to return home. When I got there, I had apologized to everyone, but deep down I still hadn't fully forgiven them.

Every time I looked at them, I felt pangs of betrayal. As if they had let me down somehow. And no matter what I told myself, I couldn't relinquish the deep rooted deception. But I couldn't put my finger on the source of the anger, so I just chose to ignore it. To cover it up. To hide it from myself, and them.

I chose to let life move on. Mostly.

After returning home, I had been grounded. Which was not shocking.

What was shocking was the new board of wood that covered my window. I know it was put there to keep me in, but it felt more like it was keeping the rest of the world out.

My window had always been my escape. My way out of the pain. My way into the world of no hurt. And now it was gone. A part of me was gone.

I had obviously really scared my family with my recent behavior. They had never taken away my window before. They had never trapped me like this. But here I was, locked in my room.

I was laying on my bed staring up at the ceiling. My fingers were twitching around, bending the small droplets of water that were suspended in the air. The hypnotizing movement calmed me and allowed me to think.

Usually I would just daydream when I did this, but this time was different. As I watched the water droplets move, I started to reflect on everything.

Before I knew what was happening, I was delving into the more sensitive of my moments. The moments where I was vulnerable. And weak.

The moments where I had lashed out in my powerless state.

At the time, all off my emotions had seemed rational. They had seemed right. But now I started to question myself. Maybe I hadn't been quite right.

I had accused my gran of lecturing me, but she was just trying to help me see straight. I was acting like a fool, and she didn't want me to get hurt. And I had walked away.

I had accused my father of betraying me, but he didn't even say anything against me. He had just talked about how proud he was of me. And I had disrespected him for that.

I had accused my brother of insulting me, but he was just trying to help. He saw that I was drowning, and he had extended a hand to pull me from the icy waters of my mind. And I just pulled him down with me.

As I listed all the people I resented, I realized that it wasn't them. It was me. I was ignoring their help and letting myself drown. I shouldn't be resenting them. I should be resenting myself.

Finally my list ended with the Avatar.

Aang.

He had helped me.

And I just treated him like a jerk.

I had pushed him away like everyone else.

But unlike everyone else, he did not back down. He only tried harder.

And he barely even knew me.

At those words, my mind started to close once again. My rational thoughts started to dissipate and they were replaced with the same words that I had always used to push people away.

They didn't know me.

And I couldn't let them know me.

Not since-

Suddenly a knock at the door shattered my concentration and the droplets in the air splattered down in a cold wave on my face. I wiped a hasty hand across my cheeks and bended the water into the bowl on my nightstand. Then I sat up to face the visitor.

"Come in." I muttered, hoping maybe they wouldn't hear my timid voice and they would leave me alone.

But they heard me.

The door opened and my Gran walked in. Her expression was more depressing than normal and it made me instantly wonder what was happening outside my room. I had locked myself in for a while, and I wasn't even sure what day it was.

My Gran walked up to my bed where I still sat with my legs splayed over the side.

"Your brother and Miki are leaving to go home soon."

That's right. They were going back to Kyoshi. I had forgotten that they were only here to visit us. Somehow my mind had tricked me into thinking that they were never leaving. Yet tomorrow, they would be gone. And they probably wouldn't be back for another year.

Even though we had fought, I would still miss my brother. And I would definitely miss little Miki. He was one of the only people that I never really resented. He was my light.

"The ship leaves at noon." My Gran continued through my whirring thoughts. I suddenly realized that she was asking if I wanted to say goodbye to him. She was giving me a choice.

"I can go?" I said tentatively, attempting to hide the uncertainty in my voice. I did want to say goodbye to my brother and my nephew, but I was a little afraid of myself.

When I had been reflecting on my actions, everything bad had always been caused by me. I didn't want to risk hurting people again. And I couldn't handle any more collateral damage. Being secluded made me realize this.

But I couldn't shut my door and hide forever. Despite my will to do so…

"Of course you can say goodbye." My Gran continued, not even hesitating for a moment to acknowledge my self doubts.

"But I hope you know, that the sun is almost at the top of the sky…" My Gran added right before she left the room. Her statement hit me with a wave of shock. I had lost all track of time without my window to show me the world.

"Well I have to say goodbye." I announced to myself, forgetting all of my previous reservations.

When the door shut, I jumped from my bed and made my way towards my closet. I chose a satiny blue shirt, that had been a gift from my brother's travels, and a pair of white pants. My attire needed to be nice, but I wasn't willing to wear a dress.

After slipping into my outfit as quickly as possible, I decided that I should brush my tangled hair. Over the time in my room, I had accumulated quite a mess of knots in my usually soft downy hair. When the comb racked through the knots, it sent pangs of pain to my scalp.

After what seemed like a tug of war between my hair and the comb, I finally got my hair into a semi tolerable state. I then proceeded to throw the hair into a quick braid.

With my clean clothes and my braided hair, I flew towards the door. My time was running short. I shoved the door open so hard that it hit the person who was about to knock on it. I could tell be the thud that it was a painful hit too.

When I turned the corner, I found my father clutching his fist that had been slammed by the door. He looked up to say something, but I spoke before him.

"Gotta say goodbye!" I explained hastily, before turning around and dashing away from him and towards the front door. I was out of the door before he could even stammer a word.

And then I ran.

I felt the snow and wind fly past my face.

I felt the almost peaked sun glimmer down on my exposed cheeks.

I felt my hair whipping against my back with every step I took.

I felt the soft ground that softened my impacts.

I felt good.

And I kept running.

And running.

People who saw me fly by, must have thought I was crazy. And the truth is, I was crazy. And I still am.

I could hear a ship at the dock far away blow its horn to signal its approaching departure.

My steps intensified.

Faster.

And faster.

My breathing became more shallow, and I could feel a burn building up in my thighs.

But I just went faster.

And then the snow beneath my feet changed into the wooden planks of the dock. I came to a stop and looked around frantically. I had to find them.

There were people everywhere, waving at the people on the ship, but none of those people were them.

For a split second I thought I might have been too late. They were probably already on the ship, not even knowing that I was searching for them.

And then I saw them.

They were hand in hand as the moved up the walkway onto the ship. But the ship was two docks down and I knew I would never make it in time. But I didn't come all this way to miss them by mere seconds.

I sprinted to the edge of the dock that I stood on, and used the loudest voice I had to scream their names.

"SOKKA! MIKI!" Sokka didn't hear me, but Miki did. He whipped around and his face lit up with cheerfulness. Even from far away, I could see him smile. He waved his little hand at me and I returned his gesture. He then pulled his hand away from his father's and fumbled it around in his pocket for a moment.

Then he pulled out a small object.

It was the little penguin I had gotten him.

The corner of my mouth raised in a crooked smile and I chuckled to myself. I gave him a thumbs up and he smiled even more.

But then Sokka grabbed his little hand once more, not noticing me waving profusely, and pulled Miki out of my sight and onto the ship.

"Will you go penguin sledding with me?" I whispered to the fading figure of Miki and my brother. Or course, they couldn't hear me, but I repeated the words once more to myself.

After Sokka and Miki disappeared over the edge of the ship, the walkway was raised and the ship started to move away from the dock slowly. Moving away from the South Pole. Moving away from me.

I small tear escaped my barrier and cascaded down my cheek.

I knew they would visit again, but for some reason this departure felt more final than usual. Part of me knew that the next time I saw them it would be different. I would be different. They would be different. Everything would be different.

The thought saddened me and brought an overwhelming feeling that forced me to sit down. I plopped down on the edge of the dock I still stood on, and hung my feet over the side. I watched the ship until it became a small speck in the huge expanse of the ocean.

After the walkway had been removed, all the family and friends had dispersed and it wasn't long before I was the only one still watching the ship fade away.

I didn't feel like being locked in my room again. I just wanted to be free for a little while. I just needed a moment of calm. A moment to recollect myself.

I tried to convince myself that they weren't abandoning me. They weren't hurting me. They had visited me before and they had left me before, but for some reason I felt a little more broken after they left this time.

I couldn't deny my sadness. It was too blatant to be ignored.

All I could do was try to focus on other things.

Like the ocean.

Or the sky.

Or the random person who just sat down beside me.

My thoughts popped like a bubble. But the residue of grief was not cast out of my mind. I still wanted to sulk.

I glanced up to the stranger for only a moment, but I only needed a moment to recognize who it was.

"What are you doing here, Avatar Aang?" My voice was more monotone then usual and it lacked its feistiness. I said this in the direction of the water below my feet. My lack of fight must have startled him because it took him a moment before he could respond.

"I was saying goodbye to Sokka and his son." He said as if it was an obvious fact.

Great. Even the dumb Avatar had shown up on time to say goodbye to my brother.

"How do you know my brother?" I demanded, finally looking up at him. He had only been here for a few days. Maybe a week or so at most. How could he have made friends with my family that fast without me knowing. But then again, I never really bothered to ask my brother questions about his friends.

"We work together. And we have become close friends over the years. He really livens up the meetings…" He added the last part as if he was reminiscing in an old joke. His eyes drifted off to where the sky met the ocean. Than he turned back to me with a crooked smile.

I was about to laugh at his quirkiness but I decided against it. Instead I looked down again to conceal the small smile that graced my lips.

"Yea he does that." I added quietly. My brother was quite young to be such a large political figure. The only person near his age was probably the Avatar. Everyone else was much older and lacked the humor that my brother had.

No wonder he had become friends with the Avatar. Sokka liked to joke, and the Avatar liked to laugh.

"He was the one that invited me to dinner the other night, of course I didn't know that he wouldn't be present…" He drifted off. I looked up to see what emotion was playing on his face. Oddly it wasn't happiness. It was more along the lines of confusion.

But he must have noticed that I was observing him, because his cheeks bursted with a pink shade of red.

And then, he turned his stormy gray eyes and locked them onto mine with a look of pure sincerity.

"And I didn't know you would be there..." He said quietly, but even though the volume was low, I could still hear the power and truth behind his words.

"You are one of a kind, Katara." He finished, never breaking our eye contact.

He was completely serious. His eyes bore into mine, trying to convey his feelings through a glance. When he looked at me, it felt different than the normal look people gave me. Most people looked down at me with pity or disgust or even hate but he held none of those emotions in his eyes. His eyes only held honest admiration for me.

And I couldn't help but blush in response. I did not deserve his admiration. I deserved the pity and disgust people gave me. Or so I thought. I had convinced myself that it was what I deserved.

But sitting on this dock, staring into the eyes of Avatar Aang, I realized that maybe I deserved something more.

I deserved to be admired.

I deserved to say goodbye.

I deserved freedom.

I deserved respect.

I deserved more from life.

And like a flash of lightning his face transformed from the serious stature to his normal lighthearted smile. But this time, I didn't find his smile annoying. I found it somewhat comforting and empowering.

I shot him a hesitant smile in return, unsure if it was the right move. Upon seeing my face, his smile only broadened. I blinked my eyes shut and turned back to the misty waters below my feet, hoping he couldn't see my face become even darker.

"Thanks." I muttered sheepishly.

The air around us was filled with an awkward. I think he was confused at why I didn't insult him. I was confused myself. The open wound from my brother leaving had left my defenses down and I was tired from constantly fighting. Sometimes all I needed was peace.

And the Avatar was the leader of peace in the world…

"So, I haven't seen you around the market lately…" He started, trying to elicit a response of some sort from me. He must have been wondering why I wasn't out stealing mangoes.

"Eh, I was kinda sorta grounded." I couldn't hide the embarrassment of being grounded despite my age. I avoided his eyes so I wouldn't have to see the judgement.

"Oh. Your parents found out about your high stakes fruit burglaries?" He smirked.

"No. It was something else. Something stupid." I answered, hoping he realized my reluctance to reveal the whole story.

"I gotcha. You went for the watermelon, didn't you? Only true masters can take those." He joked, just trying to lighten my sodden mood.

"True masters?" I said sarcastically with an eyeroll.

"Yea! Like me!" He said as he straightened his posture, trying to look older and educated. I just let out a giggle at his attempt. He turned and looked down at me in a mocking manner.

"I bet you I could steal a watermelon better then you." He teased with complete confidence, still sitting in his ridiculous stance.

"You're on." I shot back. I loved challenges.

In my sudden competitiveness, I unconsciously moved my hand from my lap to the dock. My back was starting to ache and I needed to prop myself up. But when my hand landed, it did not meet wood.

I hadn't noticed that he had placed his hand in between us, for the same reason I had. So his hand intercepted mine.

The instant our skin touched, I felt a flame burst on my fingertips. In the cold air, his hand radiated an absurd amount of warmth. The shock of the heat repelled my hand with a swift jolt. I pulled my hand back to my chest and clutched it as if it was still on fire.

This touch was different from when he had grabbed my hand at the market. This touch meant something more. It held a new feeling in it. It made me want to touch his hand again. It attracted me like a magnet. I wanted to feel his addictive heat again. I wanted to feel his skin against mine.

I wanted it so bad.

More than I had wanted anything.

But I pushed my need down and hid it away as if it had never existed.

I could feel the fear and embarrassment rising into my face. It didn't take long before my face held the same heat that my fingertips had.

"I'm s-sorry-" I stuttered out. I had ruined everything. I had ruined this moment of peace. I could feel the world crashing in on me once more.

As I continued to stammer an explanation, he just stared at the hand I had just grazed. His cheeks were painted pink, and my fear only grew. Then his eyes flickered up to mine.

And the very corner of his mouth twitched into a smile.

And for some reason, I smiled back. I couldn't help it. It just slipped out.

I suddenly looked down into my lap and pushed one of my stray hairs back behind my ear with my hand. I wanted to say something, but words would not come. All I could do was savor the fading warmth in my fingertips.

It was crazy how fast my confidence had fled.

"So…" He awkwardly broke the silence. I could tell he was still in shock at our touch, but he was recovering faster than me, who still sat silent.

"Do you-" He was cut off with a high pitched squeal.

"OH MY SPIRITS! Its the avatar!" A woman exclaimed from somewhere down the dock. She had a group of girls behind her, and all of their faces instantly lit up at the sight of the arrowed monk.

They all ran over in a crazy stampede to meet Avatar Aang, the man of their dreams. And seeing their crazed eyes, I could tell that their dreams were not rated PG.

I looked over at the man sitting beside me, but his eyes were no longer in my direction. He was looking at his fangirls with one of his signature smiles.

I was in shock.

For some reason, I thought he had reserved his smile for me.

I thought I had meant something.

Just a moment ago, I had thought he felt the same things I had.

But looking at the scene before me, I realized that I was nothing special. I was just another girl. Another person for the great avatar to please.

He probably just saw me as a nutcase in need of a friend. He probably pitied me and just hid it from my knowledge.

And I had fallen for his act. For his smile. His smile that was now entertaining the fans running towards us.

And I was done with the show.

I got up with as much poise as possible, and I casually wiped the dirt off of my pants. I covered and concealed all of the feelings that had been rising in me. All the happiness and joy and warmth. I convinced myself that they were all fake. I was just acting like him.

"Well this has been fun…" I was about to call him 'Aang' when I was interrupted by one of the fan girls.

"AHHH. Can you sign my scroll?!" She looked like she was on the verge of passing out. I could tell that the avatar wasn't even hearing what I was saying. So I just turned around and walked away.

"Avatar." I finished my statement to myself.

No one heard me.

They never did.

* * *

**Eh heh. Well that was close. Katara almost liked Aang… :) Ok well leave your thoughts. And yea.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for deleting this! I just noticed that the spacing was wrong and I just couldn't leave it up like that. Spacing is just as important as the words… :) Anyways, here it is again in a format that won't make your eyes bleed... hopefully.**

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

My eyes burned as I stared into the bright sun. It felt as though it was burning straight through me. But I felt no pain. There was only one way to describe what I was feeling.

Enlightened.

The sun's rays scorched over the world, but despite its menacing heat, it caressed the life with the utmost care. And when it rose, it promised a new day. And when it fell, it left the memories of the beauty in life.

Because it was the quintessence of life.

For some reason, the feelings that were arising within me felt new. Well not new. They just felt as if they were forgotten long ago. I had given up on them. Somewhere in the twisted roads of my life, I had forgotten how to feel this _good_.

Suddenly I realized I was not the only one basking in the light that poured down. All around me were millions of figures, all laughing and feeling happy, all reflecting the same face. It took a moment before I started to recognize the figures before me. Most were people I had seen around the city, some were strangers I had never met, some were lives that had yet to live, and some were lives that no longer walked the earth.

None of them stopped to notice me. Or so I thought.

I felt a soft pressure on my back and when I whipped around, I swear I saw a wisp of silvery spheres, before the eyes disappeared once more in the crowd of happy people. It all seemed too surreal.

Without warning, another warm hand grabbed mine. And when I looked up this time, the eyes did not flee from my gaze.

I choked.

"Mom..?" I uttered through the tears that were already forming from my glassy eyes. I had so many questions. Where was I? How did I get here? How did she get here? How did she find me? Why did she ever leave? Why did she destroy me all those years ago? Why did sh-

Before I could even ramble out one of the millions of questions flashing through my head, she just looked up into the sun above us and smiled the same smile she would give me when she told me she loved me. The pressure in my hand dissolved and I desperately tried to stop her from leaving. I grabbed at her fading arms and her disappearing face. But nothing I did could stop her.

Just like last time.

"STOP! Don't do this! Please help me!" I screamed, my voice becoming higher as the panic started to overwhelm me.

"I can't..!" The words flew out of my mouth, despite the fact that they were mysterious to me.

"Look for the light." Her voice sung to me. The same voice that had once sung me to sleep. The same voice that had always picked me up. The same voice that had shared laughs with me. The same voice that had broken me.

Then she was gone. Everyone was gone. All the giggles and smiles had disappeared with her. Even the sun was gone. It was all black around me.

I was scared. And alone. Again.

I frantically looked for something, anything, that could save me from fading away into the darkness. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to disappear. I had to find the light.

I had to find it.

I had to.

I had to.

I had to.

Just then, a light appeared in the corner of my vision. The light was made in the form of a person, but the person was too far away to be distinguished. I had to move closer.

I broke into a sprint towards the figure. I moved closer. And closer. And closer. And I was almost there. I was about to find the light. I was about to find what I needed to be whole again.

"Katara…" The figure called out, knowing I was about to find them. Maybe they were looking for me too. Maybe I was a light to this person. Maybe we were two halves to a whole.

But just before I reached the light, I woke up.

My eyes fluttered open to find my father standing over my bed with a concerned grimace. His hands were around my shoulders as if he was shaking me awake. I could feel the heat that arose from my sweaty skin. No wonder he was concerned.

"Katara? Are you okay?" He asked me softly after I became more oriented. My vision was still a little hazy, but I finally understood that it was all a dream.

Just a dream.

"Honey, you were crying and screaming in your sleep." My father informed me. His voice was full of a sad concern. I knew what he was thinking.

"Yea, I'm fine." I mumbled hoping he wouldn't mention anything.

"Is it.. is it the nightmares? Are they coming back?" He asked exactly what I hoped he wouldn't. Every time my father looked at me, he always saw the weak little girl who cried in her sleep. The girl who was hurt and broken. I had tried so hard to appear strong, but my father would never see me that way. Even when I screwed up, he felt more sorry than angry at me. Sometimes I just needed him to yell, and tell me that I was dumb and irrational. But he never did. He just gave me that look of pity.

"No. I just… nothing." I croaked as I pushed myself out of my bed's embrace. It was chilly in the house and I shivered as the covers slipped off of my upper half. I really regretted climbing out of my warm bed.

"Wait, why aren't you at the council?" I interrogated groggily. I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and moved past him to the bathroom to clean my face for the day. I could practically feel the oils and sweat dripping off of my ragged face, and I needed to get rid of the feeling.

"I actually have to go to a council in the southern earth kingdom. I should be gone for about a week." His voice traveled from my room. After drying my face, I moved back into my room. He was still sitting on my bed. He never liked leaving the family, but it was his responsibility as chief of the southern tribe.

I put on a sad face, but it was only a facade. I was used to my father leaving, and I never protested my freedom. I loved my father dearly, but everytime I saw him, it was just a painful reminder. A scar that never closed completely. And I am sure the same memories dredged up when he saw my face.

The one that resembled my mother's so closely.

"Oh, well I guess I will see you when you get back." I muttered absentmindedly while my hands moved back to my closet, looking for something to change into. My shirt was still damp from my night sweats and I needed to put on something new. Plus there was an awkward air in the room, and I always felt better when I busied myself.

"I came to say Goodbye, Katara, but I also need something else from you." His face was made into a serious grimace that demanded my attention. So I turned away from my morning routine and crossed my arms. I nodded to tell him that I was listening even if it was unwillingly.

"You need to behave yourself while I am gone. I know you are struggling through a phase, but you need to be responsible while I am gone. Gran says she can handle you, but I know you better. No one can control you." He smirked as he said the last sentence. I rolled my eyes in response, but I let a smile play on my lips as I tried my best to ignore the 'phase' part.

"I feel bad, leaving you, but I know you will be fine. I will miss you." I could see sadness in his eyes and it struck me that he wasn't telling me something. But instead of questioning him, I ignored it and pulled him into a hug.

"I will miss you too. And don't worry, I will be fine." I said to him and I meant it. I wanted to make him proud. And maybe if I could show him that I was an adult, he would look past the broken girl that I was.

The one who couldn't handle the nightmares.

After releasing him from his hug, he grabbed his satchel and headed towards the door. His palm pressed against the opening and he was just about to leave, but he suddenly turned back around.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Gran has a fever of some sort." He spoke quietly, and I sensed heavy concern falling from his words. Gran's health had been deteriorating for the last year, but she seemed to be getting better. I sincerely hoped that this fever was just a hiccup in her recovery.

"I have already sent message to the healer, and I have ordered some herbs from the market that will make her feel better. All you have to do is pick them up." His words sounded so simple and reassuring to my already fretful mind. Like walking to the park. Or eating a sandwich. Easy.

But it wasn't.

Before he noticed my hesitation, I pushed down my doubt and tried not to think about my previous escapade to the market.

At the thought of the market, all the memories of the Avatar and his voice and his betrayal popped into my restless mind. I had almost forgotten. But luckily my mind was not so kind as to let it slip away.

I gulped.

"Of course. Easy." I said uneasily. There were so many sirens going off in my head. The doubt was rapidly pushing its way back into the forefront.

I could get caught.

By the guards.

Or worse.

Him.

He always seemed to just show up, and I don't really know how I would react after our last encounter. He probably had no idea that I bore him any ill will. But I did.

I hated him.

And I couldn't handle him.

But instead of voicing my worry, I plastered a smile onto my face and nodded as if there wasn't a huge problem.

"Ok, well I will see you in a week!" My father said before planting a kiss on my forehead and rushing out the door.

Another person leaving me.

I let out an angry sigh as soon as he left the room. I should have just said 'Hey, about that, I can't go because…' My mind went blank.

I shook my head.

I was just overthinking it as always. Everything would be fine. I would get the medicine, help Gran, and everything would be perfect. I convinced myself over and over until the little voice that had been nagging me had shutup.

It would be fine.

Before I could change my mind, I grabbed my bag and a dark blue cloak. I quickly wrapped myself in the soft fabric and let the hood hang over my eyes in a way that hid my distinguishable blue irises. They screamed that I was 'that girl who constantly stole from the market'. No one really knew me as the chief's daughter.

For all they knew, I was just a peasant thief. Sometimes when I walked by crowds of gossiping girls, I heard snippets of gossip about the 'real' chief's daughter.

She was beautiful and kind and perfect. She never left the house because her skin was as delicate as snow crystals. And her suitors lined up around buildings for her. She was the woman that every girl envied, and every boy admired.

Basically the opposite of me. And I was thankful for it. I would never survive with skin that melted in the sun...

But I never objected to the rumors. I just let them believe that I wasn't some messed up girl who couldn't stay out of trouble. It was better that they didn't know. They would just be disappointed.

With my identity hidden, for more than one reason, I swiftly left the house, and started towards the market, with my cloak flapping along behind me.

Since I was on a mission, I had no time to stop and admire all the things around me. I just made a beeline for the treatment.

Once I arrived in the market, I frantically searched for the herbal kiosk. I walked around the whole market place almost three times and I never saw any sign of the herbs. I would have gone around again, but my feet were hurting, and the longer I stayed, the more risk I ran of being discovered.

So instead of wandering aimlessly, I decided to ask for some help.

I first tried asking a woman, but when I walked up, she took one look at my drab cloak and walked away like I was filth. I made a hideous face at her fleeing figure before turning around in search of a new stranger.

I then tried a man who looked relatively kind, but when I walked up to him, he just gave me some change and walked away before I could open my mouth. I would have been insulted, but I wasn't going to turn down free money.

After the second attempt, I decided that I needed to up my game. I needed to be more… girly. I straightened my posture, puckered my lips, and heightened the tone of my voice into an almost annoying tone. Then I eyed the people around for my target. My eyes stopped on a man who looked like he knew what he was doing. He also looked pretty gullible.

I walked over to him, careful to move my legs in the most graceful of ways. I stopped behind him, and tapped on his shoulder gently with my delicate fingers.

"Excuse me?" I piped in my innocent girly voice.

The man turned around and I suddenly regretted my choice. He looked like a nice person, but when I saw him I immediately noticed the blaring insignia on his parka.

A wolf head symbol.

He was a guard. And I was pretty sure I recognized him as one of my many chasers in the past.

But it was too late to turn back. That would just look suspicious. And he was already eying me with curiosity.

"Yes?" He said with interest, I could see his eyes wander on me for a second, not even trying to hide his stare, and I tried my hardest to disguise the disgust in my voice.

"Um…" I was already here, might as well get some help. "I was wondering if you knew where the herb hut was?" I kept my voice especially high, so that there was no chance of him recognizing me.

"Of course," He said as he gestured to the left side of the market. His finger pointed towards a red kiosk that held an array of plants around it. I had no idea how I missed it three times. Maybe the hood was covering to much of my sight...

"Thank you, sir!" I said happily. Unfortunately I had forgotten to change my pitch when I spoke and my true voice was revealed to him.

Not a good idea.

His eyebrows furrowed as his mind clicked together the pieces.

"Do I know you?" He interrogated in confusion. But I could tell that he would soon dawn on the answer if I stayed any longer.

"Well I am in a hurry! Thanks again." I burst out, before whipping around and heading away from the guards. I tried to walk at a normal pace, but my uneasy steps soon turned into a slow jog by the time I was five feet away.

Unfortunately, I was not fast enough.

"Wait!" He yelled before grabbing my fleeing hood. My veil fell from my eyes and his face widened with a mix of anger and surprise. The jig was up.

"You're that girl-" He stammered in disbelief.

Yup.

Time to go.

I sprinted towards a large group of people who were congregating in front of a stage-like structure. I didn't have time to glimpse at the figure atop the stage, but I heard a faded voice drifting from the front. It sounded familiar but I had no time to ponder who the owner was. I had to move.

I could hear the thuds of his footsteps and his angry voice calling after me so I pushed my body into the people that huddled around.

As soon as I entered the crowd, I was engulfed by random bodies. It was uncomfortably warm and I could practically taste the breath of the people as I darted through the gaps as fast as I could. But I could hear the guard still pursuing me.

New plan.

I got down on my hands and knees and crawled in the opposite direction of his yells. If I could stay low, he would have no chance of finding me. But my plan backfired when I received numerous kicks from the inconsiderate people above.

I tried to get back up, but the horde above me stifled me onto the ground. There was only one way out.

Frantically, I searched for some light that signified the edge of the group. It took a few vital seconds, but eventually I laid eyes on my escape.

I was careful not to step on too many feet, but the people above me were not so kind. I got even more kicks to my sides, and my fingers were pulverized by the heavy feet of the strangers. And it didn't help that the snow on the ground was seeping through the fabric on my knees and gloves, freezings the skin on my bones.

All I could focus on was finding a way out of this crowd, and escaping. I would have to get the herbs later. I shouldn't have taken the risk of asking for directions.

Typical me. Messing things up.

That was why my father didn't trust me. Because all I did was mess up.

The daylight moved closer and closer, and I could feel my hopes soaring higher with every inch I moved.

I wasn't done for yet. I could make it.

I half crawled, half threw myself at the exit and I was almost free of the throng of people when a firm hand grabbed my ankle.

The grip bit into my skin and made me wince in pain. I turned around to see my attacker but all I could distinguish was an arm fighting through the packed people.

I turned onto my back and kicked at the arm with my other foot. My kicks were precise and hit the hand right on the bony fingers. But they wouldn't let up, so I instead resorted to waterbending.

With my hand that wasn't propping me up, I bended an ice dagger and thrust it onto my restraint. The sharp motion cut the skin and released the hold on my ankle with a jolt of shock. In that quick moment of release, I shot up from the icy ground and ran away.

No real destination. Just away.

I could hear a strangled shout behind me but I ignored it.

I just ran.

And ran.

I ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst, and my legs ached with searing pain. My throat felt raw, and my brain was whirring. But I couldn't stop.

Suddenly a foot appeared in front of me and I had no time to react. My back foot caught on the toe of the stranger's and I was thrown to the ground with a hard thud. When I fell, my head slammed into the icy snow. Even though the flakes were soft, they were not enough to soften the impact.

My eyes shut in searing pain and I let out a hushed scream of pain and fear. I didn't have time for this. I could practically hear the guards footsteps behind me… or maybe that was my head ringing in pain.

I looked up to the stranger who had tripped me, and my breath caught in my throat.

"Well, well. Look who I caught." He said as he easily recognized my pale blue eyes.

He was the same man who had almost caught me when I had stolen the penguin. The man who I had frozen to the ground. The man I had laughed at.

Regret was not a strong enough word for the feeling that pulsed in my veins.


End file.
